We all learnt something from our first serious relationship. Read on to learn the lessons that others want you to know.
Never lose yourself
You may love them intensely with every fibre of your being, but you should never compromise who you are or how you feel and let your love for them become your entire life. Remain true to yourself and embrace your individuality and ensure you keep parts of your life just for you, not all for them.
Pull your weight
I heard this somewhere and I truly believe it...that the best relationships are always 60%/40% with both sides trying to be the 60%.
Honesty is the best policy
I learned that if you're not fully into the other person, getting into a relationship with them is doing them no favors.
Better off alone
Getting into a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship is the worst reason to be in a relationship.
Likewise, liking someone because they like you is the worst reason to like someone.
You want to date “a person”, not “their company”.
Wait until your'e ready
That you shouldn't get that attached until you've matured enough.
Don’t put your partner on a pedestal.
If you treat your significant other like they’re an angel who can do no wrong, you’re going to live a miserable life in the long run.
Cut the fluff
That love isn’t just about the fluffy things like kisses and hugs and pretty words. If you don’t feel understood, if you’re not willing to stick with each other through thick & thin, then it’s nothing but a hollow, superficial one.
Recognize we all change
People change, you change. If you feel like it's not going to work then it's not going to work. Don't feel guilty to break-up because your partner might have the same feelings but she/he is afraid to talk.
Don't break up to make up
On-and-off isn't worth it. If you break up more than twice, just leave.
After a fight or something bad it's important to talk about what you learned and what you'll do to stop it happening again. It's the argument equivalent of BDSM aftercare, and is extremely important.
There is a difference between caring and controlling.
Part on good terms
We parted as close friends. We still are, and always will be.
I learned that it's possible, even though most other couples I've known parted on sad or bitter terms.
Live and learn
A few things :
You can be super into the person, yet they don’t feel the same.
First loves don’t always last.
You’re gonna make mistakes no matter how careful you are.
Long story short: live and learn.
Don't make it everything
Have your own lives outside of the relationship. For example hobbies, and friends.
Listen to others
When your best friend says they don't like your partner, maybe you should listen.
Make up your own mind
Just because your boyfriend wants you to do something you aren't obliged to consent.
Don't be manipulated
Emotional manipulation is a thing. Also, manipulators turn psycho if you dump them.
No ring may be a good thing
First serious relationship doesn't have to end up on marriage, and thank goodness for that.
My first partner taught me that you have to live your own life, do not depend on anyone’s perspective. Be your original.
Don't stay if they stray
When someone cheats on you, break up with them.
First love is not the only love
Your first love is not the only love. It’s not the best love, or the last love. First love is first, and it’s wonderful and amazing and new, but first is not synonymous with forever. And first is definitely not connected, whatsoever, to final. It’s called your first love because it’s just that — your first. Not your last.
Love aint enough
It takes more than love to make a relationship happy and stable and young love often fails because people grow and become incompatible.
I was very young when I got into my first serious relationship, which lasted for 5 years. I put aside my own dreams, didn't go for the studies I wanted, all for the sake of our relationship. Don't do that! It is important to hold onto your own life.
Trust each other
Don't be jealous. Especially when your partner hasn't given you any reason to be. Trust is so important.
Be happy alone
You should be happy without your partner. Your happiness shouldn't depend them. Rather your partner is there to enhance your happiness. Oh and sometimes it's better to let things end than to fluster and constantly step over eggshells.
We can't change others
That no matter how much you want to help them improve themselves, it means absolutely nothing if they have no interest in helping themselves.
Communication is key
Communication is everything in a relationship. Without it, there is no hope.
Don't cut ties
Don’t sever ties with friends and families for a significant other. They’ll always be there for you. Your significant other might not. Don’t spend every waking moment with them or talking to them. You need to make sure you have a life after them. And try the same for them. Communication is key to any relationship, whether it’s romantic, work, family, or friends.
Looks aren't everything
It is important to choose a partner that fits your personality. The more you fall in love, the better they will look to you anyway!
Trust your instincts
Trust your instinct. If something doesn't feel right then let it go. You are probably right to doubt it.
It may not be meant to be
That it could be a mistake. That you could be making a mistake. But it does not make you (or your partner) a bad person. You could want it to end but it does not mean there was no love between you two.
Do what you like
My first serious relationship ended a few weeks ago, I noticed I didn't give myself enough time to think and do what I liked most. I was really focused only in the relationship, these days I'm feeling better and feeling myself, it's a strange sensation but I really missed it.
I've been in my first serious relationship for a very long time now, so I have some advice. If you disagree with something or something is bothering you, Speak up! Fix the problem by addressing it and how it's affecting you. Then you can both come to a solution, once both parties have discussed it. Never resort to insults or threats of breaking up as this will only create further issues. And please make sure that you apologise when you're in the wrong and they point that out to you. It saves a lot of arguing.
This is why my boyfriend and I are still together, really.
Don't marry your first serious significant other either because you feel you owe them that, or because you are afraid nobody else will ever love you like that in the future. I didn't know that, and I got eight very difficult years followed by an awful divorce learning it.
The most important foundation of a relationship is how you deal with problems.
As you and your partner change and experience life together, there's bound to be obstacles in the way. If you can be honest with each other and communicate your feelings to solve your problems together, that is incredibly important.
Working through your problems in a healthy and communicative way will help you overcome the obstacles that life throws at you.
Listen to others
If people warn you about someone, listen. They are probably telling you this because they care about you and not out of malice.
Love isn't always good
Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean they are good for you.
Lust isn't love. You can be super attracted to someone but actual love grows over time like like a flower.
Don't be a doormat
There is a difference between being kind, loving, and non-confrontational, and being a doormat.
Letting people walk over you won't make them respect you.
"If you put a person on a pedestal, they can't help but look down on you."
Break ups happen
Sometimes relationships end and it’s nobody's fault. People move, go to different schools, get good jobs elsewhere. It’s all part of life. Try not to hate someone for making a good choice for their life. Well, maybe hate them for like a week secretly, it helps with the crying.
Love isn't always enough
Sometimes, even if both of you are head over heels in love with each other, it’s not enough to make it work.
Learn to adapt
Relationships need to change in order to adapt to our changing lives. This doesn't have to be a bad thing. Learn to accept change and move with it.
Go with the flow
Don't be so rigid about your idea of the perfect person that you are unable to learn to love. The perfect person in reality would be very boring to love.