We've all experienced some foot-in-mouth moments. It's too easy to speak before you think.
Knowledge is knowing you said something stupid. Wisdom is not saying it again. Some of these people below could do with a bit more of both.
1. Reign Supreme
"So Trump is our president, right? Does that mean he's in charge of our state or the whole world? Sorry but I've never understood this whole president thing..."
This was asked to me by a fellow high school senior... in civics class.
2. Sorry, eh?
What nationality are you?
No, i mean, what nationality?
ummm, do you mean heritage? Polish I guess
No no, listen, na-tional-ity
I don’t know what you’re asking?
Whispers: Nationality, like, are you white, black, etc?
Just look at me, I’m white as snow, and that’s not a nation...
Cool I didn’t want to assume anything.
3. Billion Dollar Idea
Is Cherry Vanilla Coke made with cherries and vanilla mixed together, or is it made with vanilla cherries?
4. Idiot Patrol
Going through the border -- from Canada into the U.S.:
Border Guard: "What's your citizenship?"
Me: [hands over passport, which notes my birthplace as Vancouver, British Columbia] "Canadian."
Border Guard: "No, what's your citizenship?"
Me: louder "I'm Canadian."
Border Guard: yelling "What's your citizenship?!"
Me: "I don't know what you're asking me!"
Border Guard: "Where were you born? Was it Colombia?"
Me: "British Columbia is a province in Canada."
Border Guard: waves me through
5. A Wee Journey
When I moved back to Florida from Scotland a girl I was hitting on at a bar asked me how long a drive that was.
6. So Hot Right Now
I was weighing a patient, and she asked me if it measured in Celsius.
7. And a good tailwind
When I moved from Texas to Hawaii I took my truck. One guy saw the Texas plates and said, "how did you get your truck over here?"
Low tide, I said.
I worked as a server at a infamous "Italian" restaurant during college. Here's my interaction with a guest one evening:
G: "I'd like to order the spaghetti with marinara sauce, but can I get fettuccine noodles instead?" M: "Sure thing." G: "Oh, and I'd like to please substitute the marinara with Alfredo sauce. And please add chicken." M: ".... I would have to charge you for the chicken Alfredo, then." (Note there was a few dollars in price difference between the two dishes, Alfredo being more expensive). G: "But I ordered the spaghetti with marinara."
I legitimately had to argue with this person for few moments as to why I couldn't magically substitute out the entire entree for a different one with no price difference. Guest ended up being super crabby for the remainder of the time and I'm fairly certain didn't tip at all.
9. Land Land
My friend once asked, “What if they made a sea world but instead it’s centered around the land?”
I responded with “So basically, a zoo?”
10. Lost In Translation
“Oh you’re Asian? I thought you were Chinese.”
11. Well...Does it?
Not me, but overheard someone asking a restaurant server "Your coupon says it's valid 7 days a week, does this include weekends?"
12. Oh, they do much more than that.
Was asked to a friend of mine who worked in a book shop.
"Excuse me. Do these stairs go up?"
13. Special Abilities.
“Do you see in panoramic view?”
14. Maximum Efficiency.
Boss: "Could you print out that file, scan it, and email it to me?"
Me: "I could just email it to you."
“Don’t you find it stupid that Obama is the only president without a last name?”
16. Don't let your dreams be dreams
Having a conversation about traveling.
Me: I’ve always wanted to road trip up to Alaska and see the northern lights
Her: (looking at me like I’m a moron*) oh yeah? How are you going to drive to Alaska??
Me: in my car...
Her: You can’t DRIVE there
And then I realized she thought Alaska was an island... I had to explain to her that although Alaska and Hawaii were always in little boxes next to the mainland of USA maps that doesn’t mean they’re both islands.
10 years later I married her...
17. Turk Turkleton
What's Obama's last name?
We told her it was Obama, now she thinks his name is "Obama Obama"
18. Just Mom Questions.
One of my good friends builds computers. He sold me the components of his old desktop and he brought it over to my house so he could transfer them to a new case for me and then build his new computer. It was taking a while and my mom was agitated that he was there so long and asked "is what you're doing even legal?"
19. About level 32.
On a ski lift
"At what elevation do deer turn into elk?"
20. Are we Penguin, or are we dancer?
If penguins need water to survive, doesn't that mean they're fish?
21. SPACE BAR
While dictating to a friend over the phone "Is that an uppercase "space bar"?"
22. The time we had that magical technology.
If you scan this black and white picture, will it come out in color?
23. Focus on what matters
I used to be a high school college prep teacher. One semester, I had quite a number of students who said they wanted to become surgeons. So one day I showed the class a neat video of a surgeon slicing open a grape with a scalpel and then stitching it back up with this new, technologically advanced pair of robotic arm things. The video was met with many oohs and aahs, and when it was over a hand shot up. I’ll never forget her question. “What was wrong with the grape?”
24. When stupidity meets entitlement.
(I used to work at a bakery) a customer once asked me:
"When the bread isn't warm anymore, that means it's not fresh anymore, so I can have it for free right?"
25. With great power comes great responsibility.
My cousin bought a map from a nearby fancy store for tourists. After perusing it for no less than two hours, she asked me, "How does this north-south stuff work? The side I'm facing is north, right? And if I turn right, north also turns right, no?"
She was 20.
What’s the biggest planet on earth?
If you had a heart transplant, would your memories go away?
28. Where did Tahiti go?
My stepmom once asked if islands float around in the ocean.
My brother burst out laughing, and I just looked flatly at my dad and said, "You married this woman." We still give her grief about it.
“Does Halloween ever fall on Friday the 13th?”
Took my buddy a few seconds combined with our stares to realize what he had just asked.
30. Family Tree
My own sister asked me how we were related to my grandparents
31. Never Forget
Wasn't that building destroyed on 9-11? She was pointing to the Prudential Center in Boston.
Isn’t it a shame unicorns went extinct?
This person was an adult and thought unicorns exists during medieval times.
33. Well..when is it?
I used to work at Disney World and a question I would get on the daily is "What time is the 3 o'clock parade?"
34. Not since the dragons left.
When I was in America in 2012, a man asked me, completely seriously, if we had cellphones in Norway...
35. Won't somebody think of the Buffalo.
My wife at the time saw the headline “Buffalo buried in 5 feet of snow” (I don’t remember the exact measurement). She asked “Why don’t they just dig the poor guy out?” There was a picture of the city of Buffalo under the headline.
Had a customer ask if she could pay her bill over the phone. I asked what kind of credit card.... cash. She wanted to pay cash over the phone.
37. No need for glasses at the cinema.
My eyes are two different colors, and the question I'm most often asked about them is , "Did you know your eyes are two different colors?" I'm amused when someone asks me whether I see different colors out of each eye, or - even better - whether I "see in 3D."
38. Winnie would be proud
A girl asked me if honey came from bears. I’ll never forget it.
Yeah, they eat Porridge and Pooh it out.
39. It's all relative
One day one of my students said “Ew, I have to work today.” To which I replied, “So do I.”
He looked at me and asked, honestly, “Oh really? Where do you work?”
“Here...I work here...right where I am standing. I don’t do this as a service to your parents.”
40. Asking the questions that really matter.
"Why do meteors always land in craters?"
41. The telekesis is strong with this one.
If I punched you, would your brother feel your pain?
Said one idiot to me, a twin