People are capable of some pretty glorious moments when their level of singleness is peaking. However, SOME people get more carried away than most.
Here are some of the Internet's most single confessions, as told by redditors:
1. Keeping it clean.
Didn’t want to dirty a knife to fry an egg so I bit a chunk of butter off the stick and spit it in the pan.
Only learned later that if you leave the wax paper on a stick of butter, you can unwrap it from one end, hold it from the wax paper side, and rub the open square end all over the pan to butter it.
2. Expert level activated.
RSVPed to a friend's wedding with my plus-one as "Some Rando from Tinder" and she put it on a seating card.
The bride was my best friend and she was in on the joke so she wasn't out money for the plate, for anyone who was worried.
3. Intentionally getting carded.
On my 21st birthday, I lived out of state from my family and didn't have any friends around. I went to the grocery store and bought myself a bottle of wine, just so the cashier would card me and at least someone would know it was my birthday.
4. Open door policy.
Just vacuumed the wad of dog hair that I always miss behind my bathroom door because I never close the door when I use the bathroom
5. We are wanderers.
Go out alone a lot, and do nothing but wander around hoping something interesting happens. Lets be clear though, Sometimes you want to go for a stroll. Catch some sun and some fresh air. That's not what this is about, lol.
In this case you've exasperated your room as a refuge from your absent social life. So you drag yourself out into the cold public by the scruff of your own crippling isolation down to the same shops for the same things that you don't really even want but it's the only way to justify why you're already this far. Then you can go back home to what ever it is that numbs the discomfort and at least no one can say you didn't make an attempt.
6. Silver Service
Eating forkfulls of microwaved foodover the sink like a savage, then thinking to sit down like a civilised animal to eat but once you sit down theres only like one or two forkfulls left. So, you slowly eat that and then sit at the dining table by yourself for 20+ minutes so it feels like a normal amount of time to sit at a dining table.
7. Class act.
Ate $20 worth of Popeyes and drank an entire bottle of Champagne on my couch, under a blanket, watching Alien and Aliens, on Valentine’s Day, alone.
8. Go to war with the army you have, not the army you want.
I sat on the floor of my studio apartment eating leftovers straight from the pot at 5am completely naked the light in the fridge being my only light source.
9. Sharing is caring.
My TV remotes had a space on the other side of the bed for waaaay too long
10. One's company.
Ordered food to be delivered for myself that was easily enough for 2-3 people. Restaurant called back to say they had sold out of an item so I pretended to ask someone in the background what they would like instead. I've also ordered just wine to be delivered from restaurants many times and have acted like I was not drinking alone.
11. The Good Samaritan.
I stole the cat that I walked past for 8 months on my way to and from the train station. The cats hair was matted. 2 weeks later it got sick and cost me 1k in vet bills because it had renal failure.
I called the cat Meow and had him for 18 months before his kidneys finally failed.
I am a perpetually single crazy cat lady.
12. Expensive Taste.
I realised my dog ate better than I did so I started cooking meals for two, we had boiled chicken, rice and veggies almost every night for a few months. Life was so simple back then. I’m married now and we have proper meals each night, much happier married than when I was single but I do miss some of the shortcuts you tend to take when you are single like skipping a shower or wearing the same clothes for a few days.
13. Big Spoon, Little Spoon.
Ate dinner with a ladle once. Bachelor. IT'S BASICALLY A BIG SPOON OKAY?
You spend less time moving the food from the bowl to your mouth, makes eating so much faster.
This is typically a choice dictated by not by efficiency but having not done the dishes for two weeks and being all out of plastic spoons.
14. Happy Birthday to me.
Bought myself a cupcake and sang happy birthday to myself at midnight on my birthday
My bed has warped into a taco from sleeping in the center for so long
16. If the shoe fits.
Worn the same set of pajamas for three days and nights in a row during a long weekend.
That Monday I went into work and when I said hi to a coworker my voice wouldn't work and I realized I hadn't said a word out loud in 72 hours.
17. Give me liberty or give me death.
Took a dump completely nude with the door open while eating from a box of pizza on the bathroom sink. Pure freedom.
18. Hey, it's a vegetable.
Ordered myself a heart-shaped pizza on Valentine's Day
19. Capture the memory.
On the night before my 21st birthday, I sat outside on my front steps alone and drank my last illegal beer just before midnight. A few minutes after midnight, I went to a bar alone to have my first legal beer. Then I went home and went to bed. I kept and still have the bottles from both beers (Corona), labeled at the time with a Sharpie.
20. Do not covet thy neighbor's wife.
I once teared up because as I was leaving the BK drive thru to go eat at home alone and I saw through the window this 50 year old couple in a booth smiling at each other and talking. I’m a 22 year old man. WHY SHOULD THEY BE HAPPY?
This one time I was single and then did that for my entire life so far.
22. I am my own best friend.
Went to a movie alone, then went out to a restaurant alone afterwards. It was surprisingly nice though.
23. And the winning ticket is...
Went out and bought about 20 dollars worth of Chinese food, and ate most of it standing in the kitchen. As a single person, I love ordering Chinese food because they always guess how many people are eating based on how many Fortune cookies they give you with your food. So far my single butt has gotten four in an order all for myself.
24. Vegas, Baby.
Flew to Vegas for my birthday alone. Stayed in a cheap hotel and partied on The Strip spending money on Blackjack, ate at some restaurants, and buffets. Went to some of the funniest clubs out there, and met some fun people. Partied with them at my room. Then the next day I flew back home. One of the best Birthday weekends.
25. Valentines is just a number.
Accidentally scheduled my annual gynecologist visit for valentines day because I forgot the date 2/14 had any significance.
26. A deal's a deal.
I wanted a medium pizza and wings for lunch from this one place, but the cost of the pizza and wings was as much as a combo that included a large pizza, wings, bread sticks, and a salad for pretty much the same price. So I bought that, ate the breadsticks and wings for lunch, and then had the pizza for dinner. And I threw out the salad.
27. Feline Fine.
Adopted 2 cats and made box of wine a part of my grocery list...
28. Time to change.
Ate a bucket of KFC and drank 6 cans of beers in a night and waking up on my couch next day, seeing the TV is still on for some reason, confused about what happened last night.
When I was studying abroad in Scotland as a 20 year old, no one wanted to go to the taping of an episode of Antiques Roadshow. I loved the show lol.
So I caught the bus from Glasgow to St Andrews [over two hours] and proceeded to pop up in the background of as many of the interviews/appraisals as possible, wearing my rainbow coloured beanie and trousers, to be more noticeable. I nodded and pretended to be knowledgeable. And SHOCKED when they announced the value!
The episode is randomly repeated on Aussie television and I still get bewildered messages from my friends asking if they saw me with a bunch of old people in the background of multiple shots of an Antiques Roadshow episode.
For a souvenir of my trip, I added to my tea towel collection with an AR tea towel.
30. Prom who?
Instead of going to prom I bought a bunch of snack cakes, chips, frozen pizza, and doughnuts. I stayed up all night and played Forza Motorsport 2.... I regret nothing.
31. Need Beta Friends.
Told my beta fish how my day was for a couple months straight until he died. No roommates and no girlfriend led to a lot of lonely nights.. also cried all night when he died.
32. Single Goals.
Ordered a couple large pizzas, both for me, got a couple bags of chips and some soda. Ate all of it in bed over the course of 12 hours while watching Netflix. If I had been with someone else you could call it relationship goals but nope.
33. Hey, people need to know.
Whenever I order food for me that could feed a family of 18 I answer the door, then turn and shout "Food's here!" To my empty apartment.
34. The Barbarian.
Ate a steak with my hands while drinking a bottle of mead and watching Conan the barbarian, sitting on my couch naked.
35. IHOP you enjoyed your dinner.
Went to a crowded IHOP for breakfast alone and was asked if I minded sharing a table with another single guest. I was hungry, so why not. She was 20 years my senior and we chatted till food arrived. No more words as we both shoveled the food into our mouths and escaped the situation ASAP.
36. If the 6pack fits...
Went to see magic Mike by myself with a 6 pack of beer hidden in my purse
37. Deals that steal.
Used a half off coupon for a lap dance. They were not happy. Screw you then dont make the coupon.
38. Here's a new recipe.
Heated up plain black beans in a pot, dumped siracha on them, and ate them with the big wooden cooking spoon.